


Helpless

by markwatnae (bertie)



Category: Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars Episode I: The Phantom Menace, Star Wars Prequel Trilogy
Genre: Alternate Universe - Soulmates, M/M, Soulmate-Identifying Marks, Soulmates
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-03-25
Updated: 2016-03-25
Packaged: 2018-05-29 01:12:37
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 6,956
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6352987
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/bertie/pseuds/markwatnae
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Qui-Gon Jinn spends hours in the Initiates' Wing tracing the Name on his wrist, imagining the possibilities of his soulmates appearance.</p><p>Obi-Wan Kenobi falls in love at the age of four and never falls out.</p><p>The Force separates them by two decades, but that is a small detail, for soulmates are not so easily parted. They always find a way back to one another.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Helpless

Qui-Gon Jinn is born with an extraordinarily romantic heart.

As a youngling, he likes to stare at the Name on his wrist and imagine what his soulmate will be like when he finally meets them. The Name on his wrist sounds masculine, but that does not concern him. He is sure his soulmate is going to be kind and intelligent and beautiful.

 

Dooku never approves of his infatuation with his Name. It never interferes with his training, but his master seems disdainful of the idea altogether. His own wrists are bare, but Qui-Gon is never sure if that is by birth or otherwise. Dooku never misses the chance to remind Qui-Gon that attachments are forbidden, attachment will lead him to the Dark Side. Qui-Gon wears a wristband for the rest of his apprenticeship.

 

Tahl loves to come up with elaborate stories about how Qui-Gon will meet his soulmate. She says if they are Jedi, they will be teamed up for a mission that is specifically designed to get them together. They both know the Council meddles in too many situations that are not theirs to meddle in so it is not too outrageous of an idea. She claims he will meet them toward the end of some long-winded mission and fall so deeply in love it will help him settle negotiations and bring the mission to a close. Or he will run into them in the dining hall and spill all his food in his surprise and they will be the one to help him clean up. He sits through all these tales with an amused smile because he knows she is simply trying to cheer him up.

 

As the years continue to slip by, a heavy resignation settles in his chest. He knows not all soulmates are romantic or sexual, but he has not even met another being with the Name on his wrist. Most soulmates meet when they are both young and virile so they can spend their lives together. His despair only heightens when he reaches his thirtieth birthday, and then his thirty-fifth, without his soulmate by his side.

 

When he meets Obi-Wan Kenobi, just weeks before the boy’s thirteenth birthday and a few months after Qui-Gon’s own thirty-sixth, his soul finally feels complete. Xanatos had nearly destroyed him, but this boy’s smile will surely heal him in time.

(Xanatos had no Name on his wrist and Qui-Gon knew that was one of the many reasons he had so much anger and fear in his heart. Qui-Gon had tried to be someone who could soothe some of that hurt even if his name was not on his Padawan’s wrist.)

 

Masters and Padawans sharing Names is not uncommon, but it has not occurred in the Temple for some time. Because of this, he and Obi-Wan are afforded something like celebrity status for the first few weeks. Younglings and Junior Padawans want to see the proof emblazoned on Obi-Wan’s delicate skin in Qui-Gon’s looping hand and will crowd around him to steal a glimpse. But it is much nicer when they are back in their quarters and Obi-Wan asks to see his own name on Qui-Gon’s wrist. His handwriting is not yet that neat, but it has incredible similarities.

They seem to fall easily into their new roles. Obi-Wan is boisterous and eager to learn, but his softer side comes out when it is just the two of them. Qui-Gon notes that evenings are Obi-Wan’s favorite time, the quieting of the Temple and the less strenuous activities. They make a routine of sitting together and talking about the day over tea as they wind down. Their roles as Master and Padawan fade to the background and this time is spent simply being soulmates. They lay down ground rules for the coming years: Obi-Wan may ask for a much affection as he wants to the obvious extent, and once he reaches the age of maturity they will reevaluate their feelings for one another.

Qui-Gon never realized how dearly he missed physical affection until Obi-Wan came along. He is a tactile boy, always reaching for a hand or standing a hair’s breadth away. In the privacy of their quarters, he is all but glued to Qui-Gon’s hip. But they also get a crash course in boundaries and respect and coming to mutual agreements. If Qui-Gon is overwhelmed or stressed and Obi-Wan is too close, he calmly asks him to give him some space to breathe and Obi-Wan will gladly oblige. He’s always eager to please. Qui-Gon made the mistake of snapping at the boy one day and his stricken face had gutted him to the core. Some lessons had to be learned the hard way.

The first time Obi-Wan kisses Qui-Gon on the cheek, he blushes for nearly half an hour straight. Qui-Gon finds himself falling in love all over again.

Sometime between Obi-Wan’s fourteenth and sixteenth birthday he stops sleeping in his own room altogether. They would often sit on Qui-Gon’s bed and talk or meditate before Obi-Wan padded off to his bed to sleep. Now it is simply more natural for them to curl up together and talk until Obi-Wan inevitably dozes off mid-sentence. Anytime they must sleep apart, Qui-Gon finds himself missing the familiar warmth of his Padawan’s body next to his.

 

When Obi-Wan hears of his peers’ relationships and nights spent experimenting with one another, he fears he is broken or defective for not feeling the same intense sexual urges. So many sleepless nights pass, Qui-Gon fears he may need to take him to the Halls of Healing simply to ease the pain in his soul. He assures Obi-Wan that he is not broken, not any less human because he does not want to bed everyone he sees. Obi-Wan goes to the Halls on his own but there is nothing chemically or physically wrong with him. His best friend, Bant, tells him of some reading she had come across and Qui-Gon finds him in relieved tears that evening.

A few days later he sits them down over tea at the low table in the main room. Despite Obi-Wan’s discovery, he has grown more distant and shy. It is breaking Qui-Gon’s heart to see him so miserable. Obi-Wan deflects all his attempts to talk, their bond closed off tightly. Qui-Gon presses on despite knowing it will upset him.

“Obi-Wan, I need to know what is bothering you. We can’t continue on like this. You are hurting, and I only want to help you. Nothing you can say or do will ever make me stop loving you.”

When Obi-Wan looks up at him, his eyes are filled with tears and his lips tremble in his attempt to stay composed. Not a second later the truth spills out.

“You deserve better than me. You shouldn’t have to settle for someone who never wants to have sex. How can you spend the rest of your life with me if I’m not even _normal?”_

Qui-Gon studies him, the complete despair etched deep into his young face.

“Come here.”

Obi-Wan looks genuinely surprised, but he allows Qui-Gon to guide him to their couch and curls into his side as if seeking shelter from the onslaught of his emotions.

“Where is all of this coming from?” Qui-Gon asks gently, keeping his embrace tight.

“No one said anything to me if that’s what you’re thinking.” He’s not lying.

“You’ve worked yourself up like this all on your own? Have I ever given you any reason to believe I’m unhappy with our relationship? Your name has been printed on my wrist since the day I was born, Obi-Wan, it has always been you I’ve wanted.”

The soft, hiccupping sob breaks his heart.

“ _Obi-Wan_ ,” he whispers, closing his eyes.

“I’m sorry,” he blurts out. “I’m sorry.”

“There is nothing to be sorry for, my love. I wish you had not had to endure such pain, but now we can move past it. We will learn from it, and we will be stronger because of it.”

A sniffle, and a weak sigh. He takes that as an agreement.

“Now, I can’t say that our feelings on sex are exactly the same, but I have never felt an intense desire to sleep with anyone, not even you. If you ever come to me and wanted to explore the physical side of our relationship, then I will be more than happy to do that with you. Our opinions on the matter may not be the most common, but that does not mean they are not valid. Sexuality is not black and white, and you are not wrong for wanting something beyond the norm.”

Obi-Wan sits up and looks at him, more tears pooling on his lashes. His breath leaves him in a rush and relief floods their training bond.

“You-You mean . . . you don’t . . . I’m not . . .”

Qui-Gon smiles encouragingly. “Send it through our bond.”

_You don’t like sex either? I’m not the only one?_

The desperate urgency behind the words feels like a punch to the gut.

“No, you’re not the only one. I had sex as a teenager and young adult a handful of times, but it was never fulfilling. I much preferred the emotional connection I had with my partners. There is nothing wrong with you, Obi-Wan. I promise.”

He laughs when Obi-Wan surges forward and leaves kisses all over his face. Qui-Gon is floored to see such unconditional love in Obi-Wan’s eyes when he leans back. He reaches up to stroke his cheek lightly.

“We are soulmates for a reason, dear one. The Force did not put us together for us to simply fall apart. I was born twenty years before you, but it is your name I was given. I was meant to wait because you are the only one who can be the other half of my heart. Your name is not there by chance; you are who I am meant to spend my life with.”

Obi-Wan is crying again, but it is simply a reaction to his overwhelming happiness. He buries his face in Qui-Gon’s shoulder, wrapping his arms tight around his neck.

“I’m so stupid. I can’t believe I never realized—”

“You were blinded by your grief, but now you can overcome it,” he soothes.

They spend the next few minutes simply holding one another, Obi-Wan’s tears subsiding and his heart healing as the moments pass. Eventually they move to their room, exhausted from baring their souls, and get ready for bed. When Obi-Wan nuzzles into his arms, resting comfortably on his chest, Qui-Gon feels content and at peace.

 

Their first kiss occurs on a mission to a humid, rainforest planet.

They are helping a king find his missing son, trudging through leaves and vines and roots in the heat. Despite the trees, Obi-Wan’s few spots of exposed skin begin to burn. His tunics are drenched through with sweat and his hair sticks up wildly where he’s run his fingers through it, but Qui-Gon knows he does not look any better. The king suspects the opposition took his son to prevent the monarchy from continuing, but the trickiest part is locating the opposition. They are skilled at camouflaging themselves and climbing the tall trees. After searching for hours, their canteens already emptied and their stomachs growling, they are about to give up when Obi-Wan sees a struggle up in the trees.

He takes off toward it, bounding off one tree to the thick branches of another high off the ground. Qui-Gon and the king’s guards run below. He keeps one eye on Obi-Wan and the other on the retreating individual who has the king’s son tossed over one shoulder, bound at the wrists and ankles. When blaster fire starts raining down on them, things get messy. Obi-Wan leaps from his tree and somersaults over a branch before landing behind the criminal. A quick scuffle and all three of them fall from the tree branch. Obi-Wan catches the prince and curls around him, taking the full brunt of the landing. The kidnapper scuttles off before any of them can blink. The guards pull the prince up and cut his binds, surrounding him. He is unharmed.

The same cannot be said for Obi-Wan. He lays frozen, eyes wide and chest heaving. Qui-Gon crouches over him, sour fear thrumming in his veins.

“Ma-Master, I landed on a rock,” Obi-Wan gasps. “I-I can’t feel my legs.”

He cradles his face in his hands. “I need to get you back to the palace. It’s going to hurt when I move you, but do your best to release your pain. Do not to move your neck.”

“Okay.”

Qui-Gon is exceptionally gentle when he gathers Obi-Wan into his arms. He uses the Force to cushion the young man’s back and immobilize his neck, but Obi-Wan still cries out softly. Qui-Gon can feel him releasing some of his pain into the Force, but there is so much it simply overwhelms him.

Moving Obi-Wan had been a necessary evil, one that thankfully did not end in disaster. The rock he landed on had struck a nerve in his back causing a temporary paralysis below his hips, but an extra week in the palace, resting in the infirmary, sees him gaining ground every day.

When he gets feeling back in his legs, Qui-Gon guides him through simple _katas_ in the huge bedroom lent to them to help him regain his balance. He does well, but as he begins to tire, he wobbles precariously and sinks down to the plush carpet with a heavy sigh. Qui-Gon sits in front of him, taking his hand gently.

“It will take time, but you will recover,” he says, and Obi-Wan nods.

Those grey-blue eyes look up at him, so clear and charming. “Thank you . . . for everything.”

“You needn’t thank me for anything.”

Obi-Wan squeezes his hand. “I know, but I feel like I don’t do enough to show you how much I appreciate you.”

Qui-Gon is taken aback by his sincerity. “I know you are grateful, Obi-Wan. I do not ever doubt that.”

Obi-Wan swallows, still staring at him and searching his face. He leans up onto his knees and kisses him, his lips soft and tentative. Qui-Gon is surprised for a moment, but does not push him away. He touches his hip lightly, coaxing him closer. A little whimper escapes through Obi-Wan’s lips and he sinks into Qui-Gon’s lap, legs curling around his waist. The movement changes their angle slightly, and Qui-Gon simply rests his hands beneath Obi-Wan’s jaw. When they part to breathe, Obi-Wan is trembling and gripping the front of Qui-Gon’s tunic in both hands.

He does not want to risk ruining the moment by startling him, but he is not sure how to interpret the way Obi-Wan’s eyes flicker over his face.

“Are you all right?” He finally asks, stroking his thumb over his jaw.

“Yes.” His voice breaks on the simple word.

He laughs nervously and Qui-Gon smiles, tilting his face up slightly. He eases him into another kiss, keeping his touch gentle. As Obi-Wan relaxes, his fingers release their vice-like hold on Qui-Gon’s tunic. He pushes up into the kiss and Qui-Gon bites down on his lip in retaliation. Obi-Wan gasps, and Qui-Gon holds his jaw a little firmer.

“Relax,” he murmurs, not allowing even a millimeter of space between them.

Obi-Wan does as he is told, his whole body melting into Qui-Gon’s embrace. Their kisses are slow and chaste, but neither of them seem to want for anything more. When Qui-Gon traces his tongue along Obi-Wan’s bottom lip, he shivers and parts his lips just slightly. His fingers curl into his tunic again, holding tight as he gasps against Qui-Gon’s mouth. He tentatively mimics his soulmate, slipping his tongue over his lip before retreating.

Qui-Gon can’t hold back his smile. Obi-Wan ducks his head, cheeks flaming scarlet.

“Don’t hide from me,” Qui-Gon teases, kissing him on the temple. “You were doing fine.”

Obi-Wan nuzzles into the crook of his neck, settling in against his chest. “I love you.”

It had been years since they first exchanged the sentiment, but it still never fails to disarm Qui-Gon completely.

“I love you,” he echoes, pressing his lips to Obi-Wan’s short hair.

They spend most of the trip home within centimeters of each other. Qui-Gon discovers Obi-Wan likes to hold onto his shoulders or sink his fingers into Qui-Gon’s hair while they kiss. He likes it when Qui-Gon rubs his back or strokes his face.

Pulling out of Obi-Wan what he does not like takes some time. He is embarrassed to admit he doesn’t like a lot of tongue when they kiss, claiming it is simply one more thing that sets him apart from his peers and he didn’t want to insult him.

“I promise you I’m not insulted,” Qui-Gon soothes him, cupping his hands around Obi-Wan’s red cheeks. “I would be more insulted if you allowed me to continue to make you uncomfortable. I want you to enjoy every moment we’re together. Never be afraid to speak up if you don’t like something.”

“Like when I was younger and you were stressed or needed space,” Obi-Wan says.

“Exactly like that. We have to always communicate openly with each other about everything.”

“Everything.” Obi-Wan looks thoughtful for a moment. “Even about the good things?”

Qui-Gon smiles. “Especially about the good things.”

Obi-Wan’s cheeks turn pink and he smiles shyly.

“I really like it when you hold onto me tight and keep me close when you kiss me.”

They are sitting on a bunk, Obi-Wan astride Qui-Gon’s thighs, and Qui-Gon’s smile grows.

“Like this?”

He pulls him closer so they are pressed flush against each other, their faces just inches apart. Obi-Wan’s soft gasp makes his heart flutter.

“Yes.”

It’s more of a sigh than a spoken word.

Qui-Gon keeps one hand on Obi-Wan’s back and brings the other up to cup his jaw, drawing him in for a kiss. His lips are warm and he makes a small, pleased sound when Qui-Gon tightens his hold around him. He curls his fingers into Qui-Gon’s tunics at his shoulders, trying his best to close the infinitesimal distance between them. When Qui-Gon moves his hand from Obi-Wan’s jaw to his back, spreading out his fingers and pushing his hands a little firmer into his skin, Obi-Wan whimpers softly. He uncurls his fingers just to dig them into his shoulders, gripping him tight like he might float away.

His desperation concerns Qui-Gon, but he pushes the thought away to be dealt with at a later time. Right now he has a lapful of his very sweet, very young soulmate that is in need of attention.

Each night on the ship, Obi-Wan makes a point to kiss him goodnight. Even if it is a quick kiss on the cheek, he lingers for a moment and then murmurs his parting phrase. But most nights, Qui-Gon is in bed with him at the same time so they can drag it out as long as they want. He loves curling up around Obi-Wan and kissing him soft and quiet until he is practically purring up at him. They sleep better than they have in weeks.

 

Obi-Wan reaches the age of maturity with a lighter heart. He does not want to explore the sexual aspect of their relationship just yet, but he also does not want any less affection. Qui-Gon is more than happy to continue their relationship as it was before. He still finds immense comfort in the sensation of Obi-Wan leaning against him, breathing and alive and _his._ One evening, Obi-Wan confesses that he feels as if his chest will burst with how much he loves him, and he thankfully does not mention the tears welling in Qui-Gon’s eyes.

 

When he comes back to their quarters after his final exams, Qui-Gon can already feel the conflicted emotions pulsing off of him.

“How did they go?” He asks, and Obi-Wan holds up a datapad. “Let me see.”

Obi-Wan sits on the couch beside him and hands over the datapad. Qui-Gon scrolls through his list of scores, noting the perfect scores in saber training and piloting, and the almost perfect score in astronavigation. The score in Jedi literature is troubling, but he feels that his Padawan has beat himself up enough that further reprimand is unnecessary.

“I’m very proud of you, Obi-Wan. These are very good scores for your last final exams,” he says, returning the datapad to limp hands.

Grey-blue eyes stare at him incredulously. “But, I—”

“One bad score does not make you a failure, dear one. I had to retake the astronavigation final twice when I was your age before I made a passing grade. Of course, I would have been thrilled if you had made all perfect scores, but I am still very proud of you for the scores you have. Your score in Jedi literature does not make or break your chances of being a successful Knight. Honestly, I’m not sure why they even make Padawans take it anymore; it hardly helps you when you’re knee deep in mud, fighting off gundarks to keep a queen safe.”

Obi-Wan cracks a smile, but his Force signature is still roiling.

“Come here, darling,” Qui-Gon coaxes, reaching out for his Padawan.

Obi-Wan curls into his side, resting his head on his shoulder with a heavy sigh.

“I wanted to end my classes with really great scores,” he mutters, and Qui-Gon kisses him on the forehead.

“I know you did. I wanted that for you as well. But after this, your scores do not truly make a difference. Maybe somewhere down the road you might need to recall some ancient fact from a Jedi text, but the classes you scored well in are the ones that will help you for the rest of your life. The Council does not dredge up test scores before sending Knights out on missions because experience far outweighs what was put into a datapad when they were eighteen.”

Obi-Wan makes a noncommittal sound and rests more firmly against Qui-Gon’s chest. He brings his hand up to stroke through Obi-Wan’s short hair, sliding his fingers down his braid. He rubs his thumb over the colored tie on the bottom of the braid, signaling the completion of his studies at the Temple.

“I really am very proud of you, Obi-Wan. You are so incredibly smart and sometimes I can’t believe how you’ve surpassed every expectation I’ve set for you. Did you ask your instructor if you could retake the test?”

Obi-Wan had relaxed somewhat while he spoke, but he tenses again when he brings up the test again.

“No, it’s not fair if I retake it and no one else does. I deserve this score.” He takes a breath, and Qui-Gon can practically feel the wheels turning in his mind. “It’s not so bad. I passed the class; it’s not like the Council is going to make me stay here another four months to retake it because of my exam score.”

Qui-Gon smiles. “No, they will not. I assure you this is merely a small stepping stone on the path of your life. You are going to do much bigger and better things.”

Obi-Wan leans his head over on Qui-Gon’s chest and his Force signature calms to a gentle hum. He sits up for a moment to kiss him on the cheek before going back to his previous position.

“Thank you. For everything you do for me,” he murmurs, and their bond is filled with sincerity and swelling love.

“You’re welcome, little one. But I think you underestimate just how important you are to me.” Obi-Wan looks up at him with a furrow between his eyebrows. “You have brought such joy to my life. Simply seeing your sleepy smile in the morning makes everything we do worth while. And I am very eager for the day you become a Knight, to see you take the next step in your life. Once you have been Knighted, if you are open to the idea, we can expand our training bond to a—”

Obi-Wan sits up quickly and his beautiful eyes widen. “A life bond?”

Qui-Gon smiles and nods. “If you wish.”

He’s surprised when Obi-Wan lurches forward and kisses him fiercely. But he just kisses him back and cups his face in his hands.

“Your enthusiasm is encouraging,” he mumbles, lips still occupied by Obi-Wan’s mouth.

Obi-Wan breaks away with a grin, but just dives back in to kiss him again. He goes easily when Qui-Gon tips them over so Obi-Wan is pressed into the couch, cradling his soulmate between his powerful legs. Neither of them draw any attention to the position and simply enjoy the contact and the kisses.

 

After a long mission on Alderaan, Qui-Gon takes them to an ocean planet and they settle in a little house on a secluded beach. They have not had a good stretch of time to train together for nearly two months and this would also act as a break for them. Each morning they rise with the sun and move through several long stretches before they take off running along the surf. They practice simple _katas_ after they eat breakfast and then spar playfully until they are exhausted.

They had long since abandoned their lightsabers and are now simply wrestling in the sand.

Obi-Wan gets his feet between them and flips Qui-Gon over his head, springing to his feet immediately. But Qui-Gon is already back up and charging. Before Obi-Wan can jump out of the way, Qui-Gon has grabbed him around the middle and taken him to the sand again. Obi-Wan bursts into laughter, using some momentum to roll over on top of him. Qui-Gon grins up at him, settling his hands on Obi-Wan’s hips.

“I think that’s enough for today. I’m getting too old for hand-to-hand combat,” he complains, resting his head back in the sand.

“That’s impossible. You wipe the floor with me all the time at the Temple,” Obi-Wan points out.

“I only do that because there are others there to witness it,” he teases, and Obi-Wan scoffs loudly.

His attempt to rise is thwarted by Qui-Gon trapping his legs and flipping them again. Now he can lean down and kiss him sweetly, swallowing his soft noise of delight. He smoothes Obi-Wan’s hair back, noting the little hum it earns him and the slight tilt of his head. The soft gurgle of his stomach breaks them apart.

Obi-Wan’s cheeks are already flushed from the heat, but his blush spreads the color up to his nose and out to his ears. Qui-Gon captures his mouth once more before releasing him and standing up, offering his hand to him.

“It can’t be helped, but I’ll admit I am famished myself,” he teases, and Obi-Wan smiles shyly.

They roast fish they catch from the dock that is built a couple meters away from their house and eat as the water laps at their feet. After he’s finished, Obi-Wan rolls his pants up to his knees and searches for shells in the surf. He brings back the most interesting ones and shows them to Qui-Gon, looking up at him with a question in his eyes.

“I like this one.” He touches the iridescent-grey mussel shell. His tone is light and interested.

It answers both his questions: _Which one do you like best? Can I keep it?_ Jedi are not forbidden from owning possessions, but the Council could drone on for millennia on the horrors of doing so leading to the Dark Side. Qui-Gon does not abide by that ruling.

He watches Obi-Wan stand and go back to the water and rinse the shell. He walks back up the sand, rubbing his thumb over the smooth inside before tucking it safely inside one of the pouches on his belt. When he sits back down beside Qui-Gon, he leans into his side and rests his head on his shoulder. Qui-Gon wraps an arm around him and kisses him on the top of the head.

The shell takes up residence right beside his river rock back in their quarters and Qui-Gon smiles whenever he sees it. He catches Obi-Wan touching it as he passes by or stopping to rearrange it slightly so it’s interesting color is more visible.

 

When Obi-Wan is twenty-five and Knighted for almost a year, they make love for the first time. It is easy and quick, but not lacking in affection. Still hesitant and scared of the new milestone, they simply grind down on thighs and hips to find release. Obi-Wan is warm and pliant beneath him, and Qui-Gon can’t quite banish the thought of him stripped naked and thoroughly debauched. Their pair bond is wide open, and Obi-Wan makes a soft, surprised noise when that thought passes between them. _Maybe someday._

The thigh between his legs presses a little more firmly and Qui-Gon is forced to shiver and moan through the wave of pleasure it causes. Obi-Wan smiles against his mouth, kissing him again, and flexes his hips to push his thigh against Qui-Gon’s steadily leaking erection. They’re both still wearing their underwear, a quiet request from Obi-Wan, but there is little left to the imagination now. Obi-Wan triumphantly wrings out the most pathetic noises Qui-Gon has not made in over a decade.

He pushes his knee between Obi-Wan’s legs, resting his thigh against his groin, and enjoys the long, steady grind of those sinful hips. They find their rhythm easily, already accustomed to fighting side-by-side in battle, and this is just as natural. Qui-Gon leans down and covers those kiss-swollen lips with his own. Obi-Wan moans quietly into his mouth when he finds just the right spot, and it turns into a gasp as Qui-Gon leans into his movement. His fingers curl into Qui-Gon’s shoulder, nails biting into the skin. But the sweet little _ohhh_ he lets out when he orgasms is one of the most beautiful sounds Qui-Gon has ever heard.

Obi-Wan post-orgasm is warm and loose-limbed, almost purring as he drags Qui-Gon down for a kiss. He presses his thigh up again and Qui-Gon trembles, whimpering against his lips. Delicate hands reach down to his hips and pull them forward, coaxing him.

“Come for me,” Obi-Wan says, not breaking their kiss.

It’s all the encouragement he needs. A few long thrusts and he is coming harder than he has in years, drunk on the lazy way Obi-Wan smiles up at him and the firm press of his hands on his chest. Qui-Gon shakes through the aftershocks, gasping for air as Obi-Wan kisses his slack mouth and grins triumphantly. After a long moment, Qui-Gon nuzzles down for a real kiss and he delights in the pleased sound that comes from Obi-Wan’s chest.

Pulling away reluctantly, he stands up on unsteady legs and ducks into the ‘fresher for a wet cloth. When he comes back, Obi-Wan is up on his elbows, legs splayed wide and release evident in the way his underwear clings to his skin. If Qui-Gon wasn’t so old, he would be hard again in an instant. As it is, he eases the sticky garment down Obi-Wan’s legs and still finds himself salivating at the sight before him. Obi-Wan watches him with bold eyes as he cleans him off, keeping his touch light. As soon as he is finished, Obi-Wan sits up and starts working Qui-Gon’s underwear off, pausing to admire the sharp jut of his hipbones with a brush of his thumb. He can’t bury the gasp that comes out when Obi-Wan wipes him down. His hands are gentle and kind, but he is still sensitive. It has been a very long time since his last orgasm.

With that aside, Obi-Wan pulls him into bed with him, curling up in his arms. Qui-Gon smiles and kisses him lightly on the forehead.

“How do you feel?” He asks, skirting his hand up the curve of Obi-Wan’s waist.

“Incredible,” he murmurs, a tired smile sliding onto his face as he gazes up at him. “You’re incredible.”

Qui-Gon chuckles. “I’d hardly say I’m incredible. We did just grind against each other like teenagers.”

“I don’t care. I could be stuck mopping floors with you and it would be the best day of my life. Every day with you is the best day of my life.”

He’s flattered, really, and the sincerity in Obi-Wan’s voice makes his stomach swoop.

“I think that’s just the orgasm talking,” he tries, but Obi-Wan is determined.

His voice is soft and genuine. “Qui-Gon, I love you. I love you so much I don’t know what to do with myself most of the time.”

Qui-Gon smiles when Obi-Wan pulls him in to kiss him on the forehead.

“I love you,” he echoes, kissing Obi-Wan right between his eyes.

His storm cloud colored eyes shine with emotion, and he grins, leaning up to kiss Qui-Gon full on the mouth. He settles back down and sighs heavily, contentedly.

 

Qui-Gon is fifty when he and Obi-Wan form a life bond. It surpasses all other moments in his life as the very best. He gets unlimited access to Obi-Wan’s mind, his emotions, his physical sensations, his thoughts, and his memories. Better than that, Obi-Wan has unlimited access to his.

The first few days are the most difficult. Physical contact is absolutely necessary to ensure the healthy completion of the bond, and if one of them strays more than a few meters, the bond is strained. The distance will grow as the bond strengthens, but, for now, Obi-Wan collapses to the kitchen floor if Qui-Gon is in the bedroom.

They’re sprawled out in bed with every inch of their skin is pressed together and Qui-Gon can feel the absolute contentment rolling off of Obi-Wan in waves. His hair is longer now—but it’s trimmed neatly, making him look older and even more handsome—and Qui-Gon sinks his fingers into it. Obi-Wan hums pleasantly, smiling up at him.

The sensation of Obi-Wan easing into his mind is unique and indescribable. It also feels surprisingly like he’s coming home. Qui-Gon welcomes it almost eagerly. He loves having Obi-Wan as a part of himself.

Obi-Wan touches on his memories, viewing them quicker than any normal human would be able to process until he finds the one he wants.

_Qui-Gon is a gangly thirteen-year-old, already taller than everyone his age, practicing lightsaber drills with the other Initiates._

He can feel Obi-Wan’s warm amusement at his slight clumsiness that comes with a growth spurt.

_He is paired up with Tahl, who is just as good as he is, but he stumbles slightly and her training saber leaves a burn across his arm. She’s distraught at hurting him, dropping to her knees beside him on the floor. The pain is more severe than he expected and he grits his teeth to hold back tears until the instructor dismisses him to the Halls of Healing. He has been on thin ice with his master lately and he’s fearful of disappointing him once again, possibly being rejected altogether._

Obi-Wan’s concern is palpable. Qui-Gon slides a hand over his hip, squeezing lightly to soothe him.

_His usual energy is nonexistent in the Halls while one of the healers tends to his arm. He feels like bursting into tears at any second. The healer is kind and warm toward him and he wishes she was his master. With just a little prodding, she gets it out of him. He feels ashamed at having the thoughts in the first place and then pouring them out to someone instead of releasing them into the Force._

_His despair only heightens when he sees his master in the doorway. He takes a breath to apologize, but the look on Master Dooku’s face takes it away. It is not one of disgust or anger. He looks as if someone had run him through with a lightsaber._

_“Is that truly what you think of me?” His tone is flat; Qui-Gon can’t gauge his reaction._

_“I’m sorry, Master. I-I won’t—”_

_The healer gets up and leaves them quietly. Qui-Gon wants to call her back. Master Dooku sits beside him and for the first time Qui-Gon realizes just how young his master really is._

_“Qui-Gon, I don’t want you to fear me. That is not how the relationship between a Master and Padawan is meant to be. You should feel comfortable enough to come to me when you need help. I’m not here to ensure you fail, I’m here to ensure you succeed. Do you understand?”_

_Qui-Gon nods. Then, quietly, “Yes, Master.”_

_“I will do my best to be more available to you if you will promise to come to me for help. It will do neither of us any good if you struggle without asking for assistance. You are going to be a very strong Knight, and I want to see your training through. Will you help me do that?”_

_A smile. “Yes, Master.”_

_“Good. Now, let’s go to the dining hall for late meal, and we will spar together afterward.”_

_Qui-Gon follows Dooku out of the Halls of Healing and his steps are light and graceful._

Obi-Wan keeps his eyes closed.

Qui-Gon knows his question.

“He wasn’t always an evil man. He was actually quite nice for the first half of my training. After that, something got to him. He wasn’t the same. Mind you, he was strict with me, but he was never cruel. Although, one time I did get quite a beating for disobeying orders on a mission.”

He still remembers the sting of the cane on his back.

“You were such a great master; even though we had a rough start. You were always kind and always patient. Force, _I left the Jedi Order_ and you welcomed me back,” Obi-Wan declares, and Qui-Gon laughs at his incredulous tone.

“I missed you terribly while you were gone. I’m surprised Yoda didn’t drag me back to Melida/Daan himself. I think I still have all the bruises from his stick with how many times he whacked me.”

Obi-Wan laughs and it’s such a rich, beautiful sound it stops Qui-Gon in his tracks. He kisses him without thinking and he can feel Obi-Wan’s delighted surprise over their bond.

“Can I see one of yours?” He asks.

They had already thoroughly discussed the boundaries of their bond, as they had their relationship when it first began. Either of them are allowed to outright deny the other access to their mind for any reason. Being bonded to one another does not give them outright ownership of the others’ mind. Getting inside someone’s head is a deeply intimate act and should only be allowed under explicit consent.

“Of course,” is Obi-Wan’s excited answer.

Most of Obi-Wan’s memories he already shares a version with Qui-Gon, so he wants one from before their time together.

“Can I pick one for you?” Obi-Wan asks.

He smiles. “Sure.”

_Obi-Wan was always smaller than the other children, but at four he is even more so. Whenever a Knight comes into the crèche, it is always a big event. The children absolutely love it._

The Knight in question this time is Qui-Gon himself. At twenty-seven, he has been a Knight for almost four years, but it still feels like his very first day.

Qui-Gon remembers wanting to be around something familiar after a long, disheartening mission. The crèche had been his first stop the day after returning.

_From Obi-Wan’s point of view, he’s massive and a little frightening. Obi-Wan stays on the outskirts of the group as they crowd around Qui-Gon’s legs and grasp at his robe and tabards. Qui-Gon’s Force signature is warm and soothing and it wraps around Obi-Wan like a hug. He can’t make himself go up to him even when he’s sitting on the floor and playing with them, hovering a little ball in the air and letting them catch it. When Qui-Gon goes to leave, Obi-Wan chases after him but stops short, realizing it isn’t polite to chase someone._

_But Qui-Gon notices him and turns back, crouching down in front of him._

_“I’ll come back soon, okay?”_

_Obi-Wan nods and smiles timidly_

_“I promise.” Qui-Gon winks at him. “May the Force be with you.”_

_They all chorus back to him the parting line and he grins, ruffling Obi-Wan’s hair before he stands and leaves. Obi-Wan’s chest feels full of butterflies. He wants so badly to follow the Knight and hold his hand and walk with him. Something draws him in and refuses to let him go._

Qui-Gon is stunned.

“That was you.”

Obi-Wan smiles at him. “It was me.”

“I noticed you the second I walked in the room, but you were so shy and I didn’t want to frighten you. I thought you might come to me eventually. When you didn’t, I was disappointed, but assumed I could come back another time and see you. And when I crouched down to talk to you and you smiled at me, it felt like—”

“Home,” Obi-Wan supplies.

“You weren’t even old enough to have your Name yet,” he breathes out. “But you knew.”

Obi-Wan grins, and laughs when Qui-Gon kisses him firmly on the mouth.

“I can not imagine my life without you,” he says, cradling Obi-Wan’s cheek in his hand. “You are such a bright and beautiful presence.”

He watches Obi-Wan’s face turn pink, highlighting a tiny scattering of freckles across his nose. Qui-Gon kisses them softly.

“I loved you even then,” Obi-Wan says, tucking a lock of hair behind Qui-Gon’s ear. “And I love you even more now.”

Qui-Gon Jinn’s soulmate has a special place in his extraordinarily romantic heart, and he will cherish it always.


End file.
